


Kiss Kiss Fucking Fall in Love Goddammit

by thatonedudewiththename



Series: winter, wings, shields, and guns [3]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Multi, Poly Relationship, cuties being cuties, tony watches anime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 10:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2105565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatonedudewiththename/pseuds/thatonedudewiththename
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has been watching too many animes and decides to try and get Steve and Sam together (as well as Bucky, Clint, and Natasha) using the methods he learned from said animes. It actually sort of turns out ok. But seriously Tony needs to chill the fuck out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss Kiss Fucking Fall in Love Goddammit

**Author's Note:**

> Took 5ever to finish but it's done!

New Avengers, fun. It was like Steve and Natasha had brought home two new pets, only they were people, and didn't really like to be called "pets'; cool, whatever. Tony didn't mind, he just got them their rooms in Avengers tower, their passcodes, and a tour of the place. Sam, the flyer, was certainly impressed; Bucky (the one-armed army), however, was a little more difficult to work with. I mean, yeah, Tony made him a new arm upon request- one that wasn't so... _deadly_ \- and did his best to help him out and stuff, but the guy was colder than the ice that froze Steve all those years ago.  
Speaking of Steve, that gay- _guy,_ excuse me- was radiating homosexual vibes like a fucking Pride flag (which gave Tony a great idea that had to do with Cap's suit, which he would work on later) every time Sam came around. Well, more like _bisexual_ vibes, but that wasn't important right now; what _was_ important was how that both Sam and Cap were gayer than gay for each other but _weren't acting on it._ Jesus, it was driving Tony mad! Absolutely batty (even though Tony himself was in fact super queer)! And what was worse, _Clint_ seemed to be stuck in the homo rut as well, if his really not inconspicuous digs at Bucky were anything to go by. Everywhere Tony went he was surrounded by idiotic homosexuals who had no idea how to hook up with their fellow gays. He felt like he was trapped inside one of his animes- Ouran High School Host Club, maybe, or perhaps that fucking bicycle one (seriously, what the fuck is that shit?). Tony knew he had to do something, so he enlisted the help of JARVIS, Dummy, Butterfingers, and You to achieve peace by brainstorming ways to pair the homos up with their respective wannabe lovers.... ANIME STYLE.

Trial one with subject Steve was breakfast in bed. He helped Sam make apple pancakes and had him take a tray of them (along with orange juice, a vase with a rose, and a small bowl of fruit) to Steve in his room. The super soldier wasn't asleep, as per usual, just sitting on his bed with his sketchbook, drawing. He looked up when there was a knock on his door and smiled when saw who it was. "Sam! Bringing me breakfast now?" He said.  
Sam shrugged with a wry smile as he walked up to the bedside and gave it to him. "Hope you like 'em. Apple pancakes."  
"Thank you. Smells great."  
"No problem." Sam scratched the back of his neck and turned to leave. Steve watched him go, eyes wandering over the shorter male's retreating form before lowering his gaze to his food. Tony shooed the screen from its position next to the stove as Sam came back- blushing. Tony fistbumped himself and continued flipping the pancakes on the griddle.

Trial two with subject Bucky proved difficult. He had planned on Clint taking Bucky out for a movie (How to Train Your Dragon 2 was out) and then going to a pizza parlour a block or so from Avengers tower, but Bucky didn't want to go, even though he had said he would the day before. "I just... don't feel good today," he muttered to Tony and Clint, not looking up as he stood in the darkened doorway of his room. His hair was shaggy, hanging in his unshaven face that looked to be wet with tears. Hanging from him was the Captain America shirt Tony had gotten him as a "Welcome to the Tower" gift, along with the bear pajama bottoms Clint had given him. Before Tony could protest, Bucky had closed the door in their faces, retreating into the black gloom of his room. Tony's face screwed up in thought. "It's ok, Tony, these things happen. I'll just go with Nat, she hasn't seen the sequel yet." Clint patted Tony on the shoulder and walked away, taking out his phone and texting Tasha.  
Tony was miffed, but there wasn't much he could do about it other than be pissed while eating a bag of puffed Cheetos and watching Shark Week on the Discovery channel with Thor.  
Clint and Natasha came back a few hours later with two small triangular boxes and a plastic one containing a slice of cheesecake. They stopped outside Bucky's door and knocked lightly. After a few seconds, the door cracked open. "Yeah?" Came Bucky's low and slightly cracked voice.  
"We brought you some food. Since you couldn't come with, we thought... is pepperoni ok?" Clint replied, his feet turned inwards like a bashful schoolgirl.  
"It's fine," Bucky mumbled, almost cracking a smile ("almost" being the key word here). He took the boxed slices of pizza from Clint and the cheesecake with the small fork taped on top from Nat. "Thank you," he managed to get out before closing the door.  
"You're..." Clint began, but was cut off by the the door clicking shut and locking. "... welcome."  
Nat wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led him away down the hall. Tony, still in the living room licking processed orange cheese from his fingers, cussed silently under his breath at the security footage in front of him. "Gotta step up my game."

Trial three with subject Sam actually went incredibley well. Steve had invited both men to a night out on the town with him, but then cancelled last-minute when both Sam and Steve were already at the restaraunt (which was a bit fancy and romantic for three men out having a good time). He suggested to them that they go ahead and hang out without him, since all of the stuff they were going to do that night was already prepared and booked. Steve and Sam had looked at each other and shrugged; why not?  
What had been prepared after dinner was a movie- that new Dragons film, since neither one of them had seen it yet. After that was dessert from a sweets shop, and a walk home. When they got home, they were smiling goofily at each other, Sam touching his lips repeatedly while Steve licked his. Tony watched this unfold from the security feed in his workshop, eating a bag of sour gummy worms and staring intently. They stopped outside Sam's room and said their goodbyes, but just as Sam was about to put in his security code Steve placed his hand on the shorter male's left arm to stop him. Sam turned around to ask what he wanted, but was cut off by Steve's lips on his own. Tony yelled, "YES!" and threw his arms up, subsequently falling out of his chair and scattering his gummy worms everywhere. Quickly he scrambled back up just in time to see Sam and Steve disappear into Sam's room, the door shutting and locking behind them. "FUCK YEAH!" He shouted again. "One down one to go baby!"

Trial four with subject Clint didn't turn out as well as Tony had wanted, but neither Clint nor Bucky appeared to mind; if anything, they had taken control of Tony's plan and had shaped it to their liking.  
It was _supposed_ to be a nice picnic on the rooftop of Avengers tower, but, although Clint was a fan of high places, Bucky was not, and had passively requested a picnic area of a more modest height. Clint, of course, complied with a nod and a small smile, gently taking Bucky's right hand and leading them from the rooftop access door back to the elevators. Tony watched with a disgruntled expression as the two men rode the elevator down- Bucky holding the blanket and Clint the picnic basket- to the ground floor and out onto the street, where Tony used a pigeon surveillance drone he'd had sitting on the roof to watch them enter a cab and leave to a nearby park. The two men had just barely set up under a tree when who else but Natasha shows up, bearing a gift of alcohol; what looked to be vodka. Bucky didn't seem to mind. If anything, it appeared he welcomed her in that strange, careful way of his.  
To Tony's shock, the three friends became... very close, touching each other in small, light gestures; not too commanding or forward, just calming and brief brushes of hand against skin and cloth. Soon, a little while before desert, both Clint and Natasha were on either side of Bucky, almost leaning against him, just enough for the three to feel the warmth of each other's body. Bucky appeared comforted by it. Tony wasn't entirely sure in what direction this was going to go, but what he _did_ know was that Bucky was going to be absolutely fine with it.  
His answer came a week later, when the small group were watching a movie; Insidious. Bucky and Nat were cuddled against Clint on either side (not that they were scared, obviously), expressions almost bored. Tony had gone into the kitchen for a cup of chamomile tea to help him sleep when he happened to look over to the sofa and see Clint and Bucky _kiss;_ albeit a small, brief one, but a kiss all the same. And then, just a short few minutes later, as he was steeping his tea bag, he saw Bucky and _Natasha_ kiss in the _exact same_ way he and Clint had. Clint didn't appear to mind, and Bucky didn't seem to, either, when the two assassins shared an intimate moment. When the movie was over (and Tony had returned to his workshop to watch in private), the three walked to Bucky's room and disappeared inside. But, not in a heated or sexual way. Their demeanor was calm, gentle, with just a hint of sensuality. Definitely what Bucky needed right now, as damaged as he was. With a smile, Tony cut the video feed and sat back. "Two out of two."  
He took out his phone and texted Pepper the news.


End file.
